Real Housewives Atlanta Quotes: Say What?

As if you don’t hear from them enough! Are these women really as silly as they sound? Let’s examine the women beneath the sound bytes.

20120120-005933.jpg

Nobody’s gonna check you, boo, because they know you you’ll go straight for their weave. I keep trying to find the soft side of Sheree inside of that tough, workout fiend exterior. She’s good with her kids, but who else? She seems to hate women–especially Kim who’s wig she nearly pulled off in one episode. She hates men. And no wonder, her ex-hubby is a douche who’s never paid child support.

She doesn’t do good business with anybody. She fired Phaedra soon after hiring her to get her ex to pay child support. One of the most vitriolic scenes of all real housewives history was between her and a party planner, where she uttered the now infamous line, “Who gonna check me boo?”

It’s hard to like Sheree because she doesn’t show much empathy. And when she does it seems she has an ulterior motive. But, there has to be a hurt little girl in there. She had to learn to be that hard. It may make for good reality tv, but it doesn’t make a good real life.

20120120-005945.jpg

Nene, Nene, Nene. I just hope you don’t have to take your own advice about married men now that you’re newly single. Thank God Nene’s Nene, because I can’t imagine another person on this planet who could stand to be her. She is one of the most explosive housewives ever and will probably hold onto that title until the show is but a distant memory. Her weapon is her verbal below-the-belt assaults. She’s like the young Muhammad Ali of the housewives–a fighter, completely in love with herself and let’s everyone know how fabulous she is given any chance. Don’t say hi to her the wrong way or she’ll cut you up into tinier pieces than some of her revealing outfits.

But she has a good side. When she’s nice, she seems genuine. And people like her even if they don’t like her hair trigger temper. Her self-confidence attracts people and her outbursts are seen as “not putting up with any bs.”

You gotta love her. Who wouldn’t want her self-confidence and ability to draw people to her without even trying.

20120120-010002.jpg

Thanks, but no thanks, Kim. Think I’ll stick to watching you chain-smoking and drinking your way through your messy fights, affairs and foibles. Kim is the woman people love to hate. What did she expect being the only white girl on the show? If the “sistuhs” can’t get along, what do you think they’re gonna do with you? Despite her vices and affair with the mysterious, deep-pocketed “big poppa”, Kim seems to think her life is perfectly normal.

Mothers may hate her for setting a bad example, but her kids seem happy, if a little spoiled. A typical, suburban “soccer mom” she isn’t, but she’s sure more fun. She sure must spice up the PTA meetings. Single women who can’t get one date, let alone a millionaire wonder what she’s got to live such a lavish lifestyle. Singers hate her for being able to get a record dealand have a top ten hit on iTunes even though she has a voice that would rattle the deaf. And now that she’s happily married to a rich, hot (and super sweet, or so it seems) football player and enjoying a new baby, house and domestic bliss, they can’t even feel sorry for her being dumped by a married man.

Whatever she’s got it sure is working for her. No drawing up vision boards or reading “The Secret” for our Kim. She could divulge her secret in what would undoubtedly be a best seller. But why? That would be way too much work.

20120120-005954.jpg

Educate us as you so like to do, Phaedra honey. Your hats as varied as those donned at the royal wedding certainly qualifies you as an expert on this subject. Phaedra, the self-described “southern belle” embodies everything we love and hate about the south. On the outside she’s the impeccably dressed and coiffed lady who’s well schooled in all matters of southern etiquette that she’s more than happy to dispense. “A prayer cloth is a covering so that you don’t offend people with your luscious thighs and kneecaps when you’re in service.” Remove the pearl necklace and church lady hats and you find a woman lusting to have it all whatever it takes and whoever she has to walk on to get there.

And have it all she does–successful career as an attorney, handsome, sexy husband, cute new baby and a new venture into the funeral (“got grief, gimme green”) business, so that she can bury the dead in elaborate style and make loads of money in the lucrative “got grief, got green” industry.

She can seem utterly heartless, ruthless and just plain clueless at times. But there’s a heart in there under those buttoned up, form-fitting ruffled blouses. She’s quick to admit when she’s wrong, offers her sincere apology and like any good southern belle knows–a sincere apology is no good unless it comes with a beautifully adorned basket filled with sweets.

20120120-010011.jpg

Cynthia is one of those women with otherworldly beauty–perfect bone structure, perfectly symmetrical, statuesque (as in super thin, but shapely). Naturally beautiful, makeup, hair and lovely couture gowns make her a vision in every episode. Unfortunately, her personality isn’t as dazzling as her good looks. Her people pleasing ways make her seem like a pushover. She doesn’t seem to have a backbone. She just wants everyone to play nice and get along and on reality tv that translates to BORING.

She’s lived a fantasy life as a real top model–New York, Paris, Italy are her playgrounds. Miss Jay (best friend of Tyra) is just a phone call away. Her ex and father of her daughter is drop dead gorgeous actor Leon (perfect bone structure there too). So what’s she doing in Atlanta, newly and apparently unhappily married to a man who is becoming increasingly controlling, manipulative and abusive in that passive/aggressive way that is particularly annoying.

She’s in constant whiny battle with a controlling mother and sister, who actually hid her marriage license on the day of the wedding because they didn’t think he was good for her. It doesn’t look like he is good for her, but at 44 isn’t it about time she figures that out by herself? Supportive, caring family is one thing, hiding a marriage license is quite another. Away from her mother, sister, husband and reality tv sisters, she seems happy, independent and living a full life. So again, why is she in Atlanta?

Only she knows. Maybe we’ll find out, but honestly, her “character” on the show is so dull we probably won’t care if she sticks around long enough to find out.

20120120-010019.jpg

Sorry to break it to you, Kandi, but I think God blessed Marlo to be your replacement on the show. And now that she’s teamed up with Nene, “the tall against the small” it’s time to rethink your “future” on the show. Let’s talk. Your good girl role isn’t really working for you is it? You have a successful career as a singer/songwriter, you’re a self-made woman, and not dependent on a man. You’re a great mother and a great, loving daughter. You don’t drink at all and it’s not because you did a stint in a rehab program after living it up as a singer in a girl group in the ’80s. What’s wrong with you? You’re in the cussin’, weave tuggin’ world of reality tv, not “Mother Knows Best.”

Rebranding yourself as “Kandi Koated”, having your own sex talk show and selling sex toys seems to only have enhanced your good girl image. Phaedra was having way more fun fondling the toys at the sex shop and demonstrating what she would do with them that probably barely made it through the censors. And she was the one who brought the real entertainment to your sex toy party with her special surprise guest “Ridiculous”. So his self-fellatio was a little over-the-top and made your mom furious and offended some guests. But you have to give Phaedra props–she knows how to throw a sex toy party! It’s a shame she upstaged you at your own party. Instead of looking bad” you looked like the little girl at her sweet 16 party embarrassed because her mom got mad because the girls slow danced with the boys.

It may be flight not fight time Kandi. Take the high road and let them have their “mean girl” show. You really don’t want to be one do you? Call Oprah–she’s desperate to fill her reruns on OWN with new material. Plus, the world can use more nice girls on tv.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s