Poor Demi

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Demi Moore has so many problems right now, but at least going to the Academy Awards in this outfit won’t be one of them. Did she bike to the Oscars that year? I know she’s a workout fanatic, but dang. And a metallic, patterned butt cape? Was that some new cycling gear in the fashion-challenged ’80s? The Fashion Police must have arrested her and she’s probably still on probation.

The only safe bet about that outfit was nobody was gonna steal her look that year.

Why Demi, why-yyyy? Sure you want to show off your fit body and how all that hard work with your trainer is paying off, but why the glammed-up workout outfit? Not cute. This must have been so before Rachel Zoe became your stylist.

Unfortunately, there is no forgiveness in Oscar fashion. You’ll never live it down. When you’re 90, and hopefully married to someone your age or a few years younger, you two will be watching ET one night and someone will dredge up that photo when talking about “The Worst Oscar Dresses of All Time.”

And you will still flinch and still ask, “What was that psycho be-yatch stylist thinking and how did she talk me into it? Was I smoking that weed stuff, that’s not really weed, but it gets you high, but you can buy it at the head shop stuff? Was I pissed at Ashton that weekend and trying to show him how hot I still was even though I’m surrounded by all these 20-something’s on the red carpet? Oh, right that was before Ashton, it was that other douche who dumped me for a bimbo with real boobs.”

And your hubby will have to pat your hand, like he had done year after year and say, “But you sure looked good and look even better now.” And then you’ll forget all about that stupid outfit, and stupid Ashton, and all the stupid therapists you paid stupid money to to get through all that stuff.

And then, you’ll realize if you hadn’t have gone through all that crap and worked through all of it and learned to quit trying so hard and just truly accept yourself, you wouldn’t be sitting there now being able to smile and say, “Thanks, honey. Pass me five of those cute little 24k gold-covered chocolate Oscar statuette thingies and the chips, please.” And watch the frozen-faced starlets suffer as you once did on the red carpet wondering if they’ll ever be good enough.

Other fashion disasters of all time. Heaven help them.

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